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gimme a break.

Posted on
gimme a break.

Mistakes. Incidents. Accidents. Forgetfulness. Being human.

I have spent most of my life in an abusive relationship…

With myself.

Trying to change that is proving to be the hardest thing ill probably ever do.
We think thousands of thoughts each day…an internal commentary on our life. And what we say and the tone of that voice can make or break us.

For instance, what does your inside voice say when you forget to buy the milk? Break a glass? Hurt someone’s feelings? Neglect emails or messages…
My inside voice says, “youre an idiot…stupid, worthless, less than, bad friend, bad wife, shit sister, you cant do anything, you suck, youre a complete failure”, etc.
Its not pretty in there…and more often than id like to admit that inside voice comes out and i can be heard saying any one of these things outloud. Of course im immediately corrected by anyone within earshot because they’re right! Im not any of these things. like i said, its tough to unbreak.

But I’m working hard at it…one thought at a time.

Maybe two.

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nicehead.

Posted on

Mental illness, it’s a fucking asshole.

Its taken too many from us and keeps sucking up more. So many of us suffer in silence and it needs to stop.

One of the many warriors in this battle is someone im privileged to call a friend.  She is writing a blog to share her fight…please read it.

justsmeary.tumblr.com

 

bty xx

do you promise not to tell?

Posted on
do you promise not to tell?

Secrets.
Some people love secrets.
For me, secrets are a subcategory of lies. And ive done enough lying in my life.
I don’t mean those silly little lies that save some ones hurt feelings or stop nuclear fallouts…mind you im not one to shy away from confrontation do i struggle with telling the little lies, too. I mean the big suckers.
Theres a lot i don’t say here because of secrets and lies. Its hard because i know in some way they need to be kept for some time but i cant stand being limited by someone elses choices.
Its also a struggle for me because for 5 years of my life I was told to lie to someone i loved by someone i loved. And i still struggle with the guilt and shame of those years and all if the hurt it caused. And yes, i know i was just a child and none of it was my fault. I know this, deeply, but i still have those feelings…and i have to acknowledge them. I no longer allow those feelings to make me feel like bad person or feed any negative thoughts but its been a long hard road to get to here and i wont let that happen again.

 

bty xx

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