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dont worry, just be.

Posted on
dont worry, just be.

worrying is such a silly useless emotion isnt it? i mean, anger, happiness, sadness are necessary and serve a purpose but worrying? really? it just stresses you out and causes more worry. its like an emotional tumour. i hate it. FUCK YOU WORRY!

im really good at not being worried. i can often talk myself out of it in a very logical way. worry is a great way to waste energy. energy that could be used for good. like loving someone, laughing, rubbing a kitty cat’s belly..you know the awesome stuff in life.  also, worry does nothing to solve the problem youre worrying about and often, worry precedes the problem itself…sometimes there isnt even a problem but lots of worry.

see what i mean? worry sucks!

of course, i have experienced worry but i only worry when i truly have to, that is until recently and now i have complete empathy for those who worry constantly. its practically debilitating and encompasses almost every thought during the waking day. its horrible!

i hope this was the last of it for me. i really didnt enjoy it at all. it made me feel hungry and rage-y…much like steroids. i dont like steroids either.

 

bty xx

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fat.

Posted on
fat.

Its a selfie kinda morning and yes, i filtered the bejesus outta this photo.
So this being super fat thing is hard. Its embarrassing. Its humiliating. Its depressing.But im beating it. And a big part of that journey is loving myself more than all that other shit…yes of course more than eating badly or not exercising but also, loving myself more than feeling ashamed or humiliated. Getting past what others think of me. Trusting that those who love me wont judge me.

So i dont venture outside my home much at all. For various reasons…mainly because walking or standing for long periods gives me major pain.
But today, today i am telling that pain to FO and im gonna walk around my back garden. Im still anxious about falling on the wet ground so rainy days im sticking to home. Drier days id like to get around the block.

Here i go!
Dont wish me luck, send me strength and positive energy xxxx
Much love.

clichéd

Posted on
clichéd

life is grey. grey grey grey.  there really is no black or white.

you cant save someone from her/himself.

think before you speak (type or text, now included).

dont jump to conclusions.

you know, we hear these clichés all of our lives but until we really experience them, do they ever truly sink into our brains?
its like trying to learn from someone elses mistakes, an impossible task.  how can i learn from your wrong? yes, ok somethings as far as common sense is concerned can be learned this way but i mean real life lessons. lessons in love & friendship. lessons in the things we struggle to define, not in the tangible. those things are easy to learn. how to budget your finances, how to type with more than just your pointer fingers, how to fold your laundry and put it away as soon as its hot out of the dryer. you know the silly stuff we all know how to do but just dont bother with.

im talking about how to navigate through complex relationships or to figure out how to filter through all those little voices in our minds that can build us up or tear us down. no one teaches us how to deal with any of those. its a brutal learning curve that most of us will figure out sooner or later and some of us just wont be able to handle.

how fair is that? and then when we do struggle and ask for help, we are reduced to feeling as though theres something terribly wrong with us and how different we are when infact everyone else is struggling just as much if not more and are too scared to look up let alone ask for help.

it really is true, youth is entirely wasted on the young.

Love yourself, all of you.

~bty xx

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