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Posted on

Its a selfie kinda morning and yes, i filtered the bejesus outta this photo.
So this being super fat thing is hard. Its embarrassing. Its humiliating. Its depressing.But im beating it. And a big part of that journey is loving myself more than all that other shit…yes of course more than eating badly or not exercising but also, loving myself more than feeling ashamed or humiliated. Getting past what others think of me. Trusting that those who love me wont judge me.

So i dont venture outside my home much at all. For various reasons…mainly because walking or standing for long periods gives me major pain.
But today, today i am telling that pain to FO and im gonna walk around my back garden. Im still anxious about falling on the wet ground so rainy days im sticking to home. Drier days id like to get around the block.

Here i go!
Dont wish me luck, send me strength and positive energy xxxx
Much love.



Posted on

life is grey. grey grey grey.  there really is no black or white.

you cant save someone from her/himself.

think before you speak (type or text, now included).

dont jump to conclusions.

you know, we hear these clichés all of our lives but until we really experience them, do they ever truly sink into our brains?
its like trying to learn from someone elses mistakes, an impossible task.  how can i learn from your wrong? yes, ok somethings as far as common sense is concerned can be learned this way but i mean real life lessons. lessons in love & friendship. lessons in the things we struggle to define, not in the tangible. those things are easy to learn. how to budget your finances, how to type with more than just your pointer fingers, how to fold your laundry and put it away as soon as its hot out of the dryer. you know the silly stuff we all know how to do but just dont bother with.

im talking about how to navigate through complex relationships or to figure out how to filter through all those little voices in our minds that can build us up or tear us down. no one teaches us how to deal with any of those. its a brutal learning curve that most of us will figure out sooner or later and some of us just wont be able to handle.

how fair is that? and then when we do struggle and ask for help, we are reduced to feeling as though theres something terribly wrong with us and how different we are when infact everyone else is struggling just as much if not more and are too scared to look up let alone ask for help.

it really is true, youth is entirely wasted on the young.

Love yourself, all of you.

~bty xx

meaning less?

Posted on
meaning less?

I should probably do an explanatory post as to why ive been away and why im back but im not in the mood…id just rather write as thoughts develop. Check my

Thats me (: here we go!

So after reading the umpteenth motivational, inspirational, guilt trippy quote of the day on social media ive come to the conclusion i dont give a fuck about a meaning to life.

As if we need a reason to be. Fuck the raison d’etre! I don’t need anymore expectations to live or not live up to!

Listen, if you think youve discovered it…great. im delighted for you but keep that shit to yourself. Its like religion..its personal and doesn’t work for everyone.

Happiness may be your reason, but what about the millions of sad people? Are their lives meaningless if they never “get happy”?

Some think procreation is the meaning of life…uh, sure. Go tell that to someone who cant have a child.

You see my point…

Maybe i think too much or not enough but im really tired of our society’s obsession with discovering a meaning to life and as if not figuring out “why im here” means youve lived lesser of an existence. Cant we just be content with being alive? Why does there need to be a reason and why is life incomplete without it?

Im happy i woke up breathing. Id like it to stay that way for a little while longer but im not losing sleep over anything more.

~bty xx

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